Thursday, June 24, 2010

What Are You Gonna Do in Budapest Willy?

people ask the question, if you could be anywhere in time, where would you be? People ask if you could be anyone who would you be? People ask if you could invite anyone to dinner who would you invite? well my answer to all three of those is, I'd backtrack to the early 80's New York City. Who would I be? John Lurie or Jim Jarmusch. both of them are tall and stupid looking like myself, but I think i'd be Jarmusch. and My acquaintances would be my friends around me. and who would i invite to dinner? I wouldn't need to invite anyone. I'd be getting the invitation. To Andy Worhol's place for a birthday party. I'd be sitting there, next to my friend John Lurie and he would introduce me to his good friend, Tom Waits. I'd walk up to the birthday boy Jean-Michel Basquiat, give him a hug and say how happy I am to see him, despite our earlier conversations over tea, diving deeply into subjects of art, French New wave and how funky his dreads usually are and how conspicuously grey my hair is for such a young man. That night, I'd sip at box wine and do god knows what, but I'd meet another guy that night who speaks no english and I speak no Italian so we'd communicate in broken French, Roberto Benigni and I would strike up an instant bond and our lives would move onward forever impacting one another and working together often in the future. Tom Waits would play us a song and we would laugh over burban and cigarettes, while andy talked endlessly with me about different ideas he has for future films and well...just the future in general. We would end the night in typical fashion....pot, discussion, love and nudity.
This really is all a shrivled fantasy filled with alot more people but there is never enough room to explain anything like that to you or you or you. Now this night did really happen, but who knows how it actually went. But i feel like those may be my people. Usually each character in my fantasies represents a friend or foe or lover, but in this one everyone repesents me, because I'd be too jealous if anyone was any of those people. We live to create and that is what one does, they go through the process of creation, whether it is a child or a job or romantic whim or a painting or oral pleasure, we create we craft the portriat, the orgasm, the homerun, the thriple double. We craft love and beauty in the ugliest of ways. I want to craft like all these men did and I will craft.


Friday, April 30, 2010


the train prices sky rocket tomorrow.

where is my pay raise?

no where to be found.

All of my Days

its funny how inspiration runs away from you, as soon as you don't have much to complain about anymore. I fought with myself for months and i think i finally won. I want a tattoo of a kite on my chest and of something else on my forearm. i want to look like tom waits but sound like rives. I cried aloud and shook my hands but to no avail, everyone found me. I go to bed thankful to be me. so sorry, i don't lie anymore but what was it all worth in the first place. it feels good to feel guilty and it feels even better to truly be close to the ones i love and am growing to love everyday. things look good and the weather looks even better.

A guy just trying to see his girlfriend, who doesn't want to see him

a guy who just wants to be a super hero

a girl and her guitar.

that is the future. I am my future. you are my past present and future.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Circa 2008

Channel Zero

Garden State

If you are lucky enough to have something speak to you don't ignore it, we walk through the tunnel of love meets life blind and deaf wondering whats next instead of waiting to see whats happening now, and before you know it you are crucified and every thorn in your crown is a sentence, phrase, song, and even idea you just didn't hear and every nail piercing your through your tender skin and tearing through muscle and bone, is all the ways you could have altered your already fractured personality. while the sun goes down and you still hang from that cross made of your text books, notebooks, scribbles, and all the times you said sorry when you didn't mean it, to people who won't matter when the sun rises again. We forfeit to our demons and counterfeit our hopes and dreams just to make ourselves and the people we fall asleep next to at night feel better about life, you could fuck like animals until your raw and bleeding but the next morning's main attraction is school work and ice cream scooping, while you scramble for another night between the sheets and the smell of her hair in your nose while she rests her weary head on your boney shoulder.
Life becomes a multicolored hot air balloon, each color represents a different part of how it makes you feel, the red, is the color of my face every time you smile in my direction, the yellow is how lost I am all the time, black for out of place we can be all times, blue for how we all feel sometimes and green for new experiences. Every time you pull that chord and that hot shot of fire, comes out we go a little higher and every time i trip the fire falters and i slip, but you always catch me and i always make my way back up, but my shoes are worn in this time and I'm standing on concrete for once in my life. This time I'm not alone and never will be again, because I have you, and i have us and them and me. I have me.
So for anyone who's ever felt alone, and anyone who feels like they're the only one going through it, going through this, you are not alone. and if I ever have the fortune to speak to you, I want you, you and you and you and you and your entire family tree, that you are never alone, that I am here and if you ever want to talk, you'll always have someone to talk to. because if you can get in bed at night and say "I got to eat lunch and snuggle with someone i love while watching Kenan and Kel" your the luckiest person in the world. I have the fortune of saying I am that lucky. I am the Luckiest.