Thursday, June 24, 2010

What Are You Gonna Do in Budapest Willy?

people ask the question, if you could be anywhere in time, where would you be? People ask if you could be anyone who would you be? People ask if you could invite anyone to dinner who would you invite? well my answer to all three of those is, I'd backtrack to the early 80's New York City. Who would I be? John Lurie or Jim Jarmusch. both of them are tall and stupid looking like myself, but I think i'd be Jarmusch. and My acquaintances would be my friends around me. and who would i invite to dinner? I wouldn't need to invite anyone. I'd be getting the invitation. To Andy Worhol's place for a birthday party. I'd be sitting there, next to my friend John Lurie and he would introduce me to his good friend, Tom Waits. I'd walk up to the birthday boy Jean-Michel Basquiat, give him a hug and say how happy I am to see him, despite our earlier conversations over tea, diving deeply into subjects of art, French New wave and how funky his dreads usually are and how conspicuously grey my hair is for such a young man. That night, I'd sip at box wine and do god knows what, but I'd meet another guy that night who speaks no english and I speak no Italian so we'd communicate in broken French, Roberto Benigni and I would strike up an instant bond and our lives would move onward forever impacting one another and working together often in the future. Tom Waits would play us a song and we would laugh over burban and cigarettes, while andy talked endlessly with me about different ideas he has for future films and well...just the future in general. We would end the night in typical fashion....pot, discussion, love and nudity.
This really is all a shrivled fantasy filled with alot more people but there is never enough room to explain anything like that to you or you or you. Now this night did really happen, but who knows how it actually went. But i feel like those may be my people. Usually each character in my fantasies represents a friend or foe or lover, but in this one everyone repesents me, because I'd be too jealous if anyone was any of those people. We live to create and that is what one does, they go through the process of creation, whether it is a child or a job or romantic whim or a painting or oral pleasure, we create we craft the portriat, the orgasm, the homerun, the thriple double. We craft love and beauty in the ugliest of ways. I want to craft like all these men did and I will craft.


Friday, April 30, 2010


the train prices sky rocket tomorrow.

where is my pay raise?

no where to be found.

All of my Days

its funny how inspiration runs away from you, as soon as you don't have much to complain about anymore. I fought with myself for months and i think i finally won. I want a tattoo of a kite on my chest and of something else on my forearm. i want to look like tom waits but sound like rives. I cried aloud and shook my hands but to no avail, everyone found me. I go to bed thankful to be me. so sorry, i don't lie anymore but what was it all worth in the first place. it feels good to feel guilty and it feels even better to truly be close to the ones i love and am growing to love everyday. things look good and the weather looks even better.

A guy just trying to see his girlfriend, who doesn't want to see him

a guy who just wants to be a super hero

a girl and her guitar.

that is the future. I am my future. you are my past present and future.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Circa 2008

Channel Zero

Garden State

If you are lucky enough to have something speak to you don't ignore it, we walk through the tunnel of love meets life blind and deaf wondering whats next instead of waiting to see whats happening now, and before you know it you are crucified and every thorn in your crown is a sentence, phrase, song, and even idea you just didn't hear and every nail piercing your through your tender skin and tearing through muscle and bone, is all the ways you could have altered your already fractured personality. while the sun goes down and you still hang from that cross made of your text books, notebooks, scribbles, and all the times you said sorry when you didn't mean it, to people who won't matter when the sun rises again. We forfeit to our demons and counterfeit our hopes and dreams just to make ourselves and the people we fall asleep next to at night feel better about life, you could fuck like animals until your raw and bleeding but the next morning's main attraction is school work and ice cream scooping, while you scramble for another night between the sheets and the smell of her hair in your nose while she rests her weary head on your boney shoulder.
Life becomes a multicolored hot air balloon, each color represents a different part of how it makes you feel, the red, is the color of my face every time you smile in my direction, the yellow is how lost I am all the time, black for out of place we can be all times, blue for how we all feel sometimes and green for new experiences. Every time you pull that chord and that hot shot of fire, comes out we go a little higher and every time i trip the fire falters and i slip, but you always catch me and i always make my way back up, but my shoes are worn in this time and I'm standing on concrete for once in my life. This time I'm not alone and never will be again, because I have you, and i have us and them and me. I have me.
So for anyone who's ever felt alone, and anyone who feels like they're the only one going through it, going through this, you are not alone. and if I ever have the fortune to speak to you, I want you, you and you and you and you and your entire family tree, that you are never alone, that I am here and if you ever want to talk, you'll always have someone to talk to. because if you can get in bed at night and say "I got to eat lunch and snuggle with someone i love while watching Kenan and Kel" your the luckiest person in the world. I have the fortune of saying I am that lucky. I am the Luckiest.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Monday, January 18, 2010

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Anyway, I stand by those last words - it gets bleak, it gets discouraging, we tend toward cynicism; but if we don't stay open to the possibility of good good things, we won't ever receive them because we won't even know when they're being offered. It's a lesson I learned from Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

-Ted Leo

Saturday, January 9, 2010


For Day.

Even though, you are far away...
I can still taste the scent of your perfume on my lips,
and smell the way your hands moved down my down my body.

Even though, you are far away...
Your pants are right where you left them,
locked away safely, in my pants drawer
Hidden, Secretly and discreetly like a door in the floor
That leads to a land where cats bite our little toes at 7am
Wondering if this moment ever has to end

Where laughter and tears feel the same way,
where we fly like superman and laughed harder than you ever thought you could...
At a lightning storm.
And our love making is louder than thunder claps.
Dripping beads of sweat for the world to collapse
Beneath one could even reach us.

Even though, you are far away...
I can still hear you breathe,
It's that noise at night, that helps me sleep
Even though, you are far way
I still laugh at the faces you make
and that time i farted...and you screamed

Even though, you are far away...
I still won't write you a letter
but if I did it would say
Dear You,
Even though, you are far away...
I can't forget that time
You know?
When You (beautiful faced, tan skinned, and classic navy shorts)
And Me (Wearing the last clash shirt I ever bought and brown jeans)
made sweet love on that couch until "HOLY FUCK! A BAT!"
I screamed that....
digging my face into your warm loving body
I want to take that moment and bottle it, and stick behind that door in the floor...
Along, with superman, that cat, thunder, lightning, Prom and that terrible tuxedo i wore.
But most importantly will be me, standing alone without a phone diagnosed with Swag Flu
Holding just a sign that says...

Hey, Cubby.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Never be my friend again, us all a favor

Chasing Sea-Foam Dreams


I Lie



I've lost it all

I like Tom Waits, because he makes me feel smart

I can't ride a bike, why? because i tried i wasn't good at it so i stopped

I Stole the cookies from the cookie jar.

Your Band sucks, no matter how many times I say "good shit" to you

I can't Swim or Drive, because it takes too much effort to learn these things.

I walk everywhere, not because i can but because I have too, but don't get me wrong, I love that

Yeah, I wrote a story, it was 30 pages, it sucks.

I get're ugly...leave me alone

I'm sorry i fucked you over so badly, but that was me then and i don't think you'll ever know me now

I watched you dance today...I cried

I'm sorry...I fucked you up

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I can't remember ever cheating on a test

Yeah, Leave me alone is good, but fuck michael Jackson. R.I.P Vic Chestnutt

I have never heard a song by Vic Chestnutt, but if Ted Leo likes him, he deserves to be heard

I miss Channel Zero more than anything on this planet

I can't stand myself sometimes

Please pick a fucking or hate.

Your all terrible people...but i love you all...fuck me.

I sleep with a teddy bear...that bear says "Hey Roy, I love you so much" and i love that bear and person so much more.

I want to get into a fight...wrestle me?

I love professional Wrestling, it's art, its physical art, so fuck what ya heard, act like you know.

I weigh 128 pounds and am 6'1

I fell down my stairs in october and my arm still fucking hurts.

I will never forget your legs crossed in mine after school on your couch.

I want a fucking life

I have only read 3 books in my entire life cover to cover, by my own choice

My favorite book, i never finished.

I really want to start reading.

I'm really good at sounding hip and cool, but I'll never actually know if I am or if i'll ever feel that way.

You motherfuckers, took 2 years of intelligence from me, but made me the person I am today, physically atleast.

I miss you, You were the first person who ever believed in me and I told you I'd see you more and I haven't kept those promises, I could be so much better

I never know what I want, I'm sorry you have to deal with me.

I fucking hate you, you don't belong where you are, in any part of your life. I'll see you soon.

I stand infront of a stand up lamp and play air guitar pretending I'm Ted Leo, speaking of that...

I LOVE TED LEO, I would give up my world to go on tour with him, to be near him, to just listen to him speak, to mimic him, to find out what makes that man tick.

I never played little league, softball rules.

I love Major league baseball, so very much

Yeah, I fucking love Vinyl's, but they sound different, yeah i love tight pants, but my legs are so skinny i have no choice, yeah i want glasses, and i ruin my eyes to get them, you don't fucking know me, and you never will, so just keep moving on.

I'll make a movie, thats better than anything you'll ever do, if it kills me

I hate my brother just as much as I love him.

I love myself and my life, but everything still needs alot more work. and it wasn't until today that I realized maybeee....this is true.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Friday, January 1, 2010

Chinese 'anger bar' is a big hit
Customers can release anger caused by the problems of daily life A bar in eastern China has come up with a novel way of attracting clients - they are allowed to beat up the staff. The Rising Sun Anger Release Bar in Nanjing lets customers smash glasses, rant and even hit specially trained workers, state media reported. The owner, Wu Gong, told China Daily that he was inspired to open the bar by his experiences as a migrant worker. Most of his customers were women working in the service or entertainment industries, he said. The bar employs 20 men who have been given protective gear and physical training to prepare them for the job. Clients can ask the men to dress as the character they wish to attack. Passers-by were divided on the idea. "Pressure in today's society comes from just about anywhere, from family or from work, from your boss or your girlfriend. We get no place to vent anger," said salesman Chen Liang. "The idea of beating someone decorated as your boss seems attractive." But another man, Liu Yuanyuan, said violence was not the answer. "If people really feel angry, they should adjust their lifestyles or seek psychological treatment," he told the daily. But Mr Wu can meet that need, too. For the most stressed-out cases, counselling is available from psychology students recruited from local universities.

gotta love it and ted leo for which is where i found this.